joe Linus aka One-Legged Heart

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 More Random Undedited Narrative draft #849 82016 © joe Linus One-Legged Heart  all rights reserved—no reproduction. Should a viewer wish to link to this article, that is permitted, but no copy is permitted.

“ I drive a bmw, where am i?”  I kept hearing this riddle play out in my brain. A voice inside my brain suggesting.  I am not the kind that hears strange voices. But  sometimes  I will hear a voice. It will pose a suggestion to my conscious self, and I assume this voice must come from within a deeper portion of myself.  It has often been a useful voice and so I have come to respect it. Thinking of it as an enhanced version of my own awareness,  I regard it in the same light as that insightful voice that yields the poet’s words the lyric phrases which I have written and pronounced since childhood.  I think of it more like feeling a breeze against my skin. The wind blows and I feel the breeze against my skin.  I imagine it to be the product of a sensate being rather than a disturbed mental state, although I have seen it typically displayed as such in literature and the common culture.  I listen, I reflect upon the voice I hear and attempt to understand its significance when I am fortunate enough to hear it. It is good advice.

Then again, it could be the voice of someone else suffering that I have heard.  Someone crying out in pain that my own being is empathetic to and seeks to comfort.  I came to my Geary street studio  quite plainly following the simple instructions of this voice.  It brings a superior knowledge than my own.  I wish I could hear such a voice right now!  But silence reigns in my thoughts these days.  Perhaps I’ve grown to comfortable or too complacent in my day to day. Too cold and settled in my ways.  Too fearful of stepping out of line to take a chance, even though the chance I routinely take rules me by default.  That is due to money or lack thereof  in pursuing my journey my motivations in burning the fire within me and being consumed by the fire.  Becoming the fire itself.  That sounds good but is not easy always to achieve, driven back by the winds of fear and ignorance of the fire that I  truly am, I instead settle for much less than I ought,  just to stay on balance. So as not to rock the boat. So as not to fall into the waters, I have so little faith sometimes, perhaps that is when the voice will speak.   Perhaps that is why I see the ghostships drifting without purpose or destination. Without captains or leaders.  I resist the urge to jettison my craft, to throw myself over. To leave the ship.

Today I just want dinner and a movie,  I can do that perhaps.  I can buy a chicken dinner at the supermarket. A hot roasted chicken, just like the poulet poulet  I used to have at les halles in Paris.  There I spent my daily pay, meager as it was yet satisfying the moment. Un demi poulet and ver du vin rose.  I don’t drink wine now. Doctor says its not good, screws with the electricity of the body.  The doctor knows a lot about things, though she is sometimes incorrect in her diagnosis. Still she has my best interests in her heart and you can tell that is true up to a point.  But if I drive over to the supermarket will I have enough gas for the week ahead?  That remains to be seen. Very severe budgeting at the moment as I move through the straits the dire straits, toward the completion and release of my album of songs.  it has taken me a full two year to put forth what LC has achieved in half the time with his Columbia records recording contract. He is lucky god bless him.   Ok I will succumb to the chicken dinner maybe or instead have Thai food? No the chicken is more practical and covers two days of food. The Thai is tasty but  still a one shot affair.  No smoking.

That’s what I was hearing as I reflected sitting under the bridge one evening. “ I drive a bmw, where am I ?”   I thought it must be a significant clue to my well being. If I could unravel it—i eyed the BMW'S closely as they moved down the Champs Eleyees that evening and for days after.  But saw nothing that would result in an advance.  “don’t know!” I responded to myself  exasperated,  don’t know!.

Random Narrative #849 82016 © joe Linus One-Legged Heart  all rights reserved—no reproduction. Should a viewer wish to link to this article, that is permitted, but no copy is permitted.